


How To Avoid Your Ex: For Dummies

by JustYourTypicalCouchPotatoWriter



Series: How to Live (and Love): For Dummies [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Also Hermione is a raging lesbian, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Canon whats that, Draco is in love, F/F, F/M, Harry Is Oblivious, How Do I Tag, Lucy can die in a fire for all I care, M/M, Might have a second part, Minor Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Ron is not a (complete) idiot, Strangers to Lovers, and Narcissa just fuels the fire, but what else is new, first work dont kill me please, i will go down with this ship fight me, never heard of her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-28 04:01:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20419568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustYourTypicalCouchPotatoWriter/pseuds/JustYourTypicalCouchPotatoWriter
Summary: The writing gods have finally pressured me into posting this, I admit it was a quick work but I hope it'll be a good place to start on here. I might make a second part for this, not sure yet. Based off the prompt: “You’re at a party and you spot an ex. Quick, you urgently have to pretend to be dating the nearest person, who happens to be very attractive.”





	How To Avoid Your Ex: For Dummies

I struggled to get through the crowd of people on the dance floor as I walked over to the bar. ‘Only Draco would decide it was a good idea to have his birthday at the biggest club around,’ I huffed to myself. The Dark Witch was known for its amazing live music and crazy crowded dance floors and tonight was no exception.

Speaking of the Albino Ferret, I let my eyes scan the crowd and soon enough caught sight of the blonde. Unsurprisingly, Harry was next to him. ‘For god sake,’ I thought, ‘Why can’t Harry just man up? If Harry finally got his glasses fixed maybe he could see what we all have been seeing for the past 2 years: how blatantly obvious it was that Draco returns his feelings.’ Looking back over to the duo I noticed the two trying to make a hasty escape, Draco looking like anything but the perfectly put together prince he liked to act as. I sighed at the fact we hadn’t even been here an hour and the guest of honor was already far far away, getting a special birthday present ‘Ah la Harry’.

I shake my head and slump on a nearby bar stool, turning around ready to order myself a nice strong shot of vodka. As I throw back the shot I hear an obnoxiously high pitched laugh scaring me shitless. Turning my head around, fully intended on glaring the woman down, my mouth falls open comically as I see my ex, Ron whispering something in some strangers ear. ‘What is he doing here?’ I ask myself surprised and quickly begin getting up to avoid detection, but alas the world seems to have other plans as the stool makes a horrendously loud scraping noise on the ground in my haste to walk away. I didn’t need to look up to know Ron was on his way over. Alarm bells ringing in my head I quickly formulated a plan and took a chance look up hoping to catch the eye of someone I knew. I sighed realizing everyone from the party was already off with their tongue shoved down someone's throat or drunker than Draco that one game of truth or dare.

Glancing a look in the corner of my eye I realize Ron is within arms distance. I speedily spin around, spotting a woman sitting on one of the bar stools just a few feet away. Quickly I walk over to her with a greeting of “Hi love.” and kiss her cheek. Using the rest of my body to block her face from view, I quickly whisper in her ear before she can push me away. “My douchebag of an ex boyfriend is right behind me, help me cover?” With no response and a quickly approaching Ron I desperately add an anxious, “Please?”

As I feel Ron tap my shoulder I hear the woman whisper back, “Ok.” I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and turn around. Ron’s eyes were wide with surprise, and I don’t think he realized he had tapped me. I feign confusion and surprise as I say shocked, “Ron? I didn’t know you were here?" That seems to snap him from his trance but he still looks between me and the stranger a couple of times while I internally begin to seize up. I realize I have no idea who I just called ‘love’. Before I can think about it to heavily he seems to have regained his voice and says, shakily,

“H-Hi Hermione. I heard you, Harry and everyone were here and I was in the area. I know we haven’t talked in awhile…” he sighs rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly and looks back up at me with a resigned look, “Um, well...whose this?”

“Oh, well Ron, meet my-” I chance a look behind me and try to take a good look at my saving grace, “girlfriend.” I finish softly looking at the beautiful blonde with milky white skin and deep silvery blue eyes I felt like I could drown in. I was pulled from my reverie by the blonde introducing herself, “Narcissa, nice to meet you. Hermione has told me all about you, it’s nice to finally put a face to the name.” She smiled kindly, though looking close the smile did not quite reach her eyes. He returned the smile slightly and said, "All good things I hope."He finished with what he must of thought was a charming smile but looked closer to a grimace. The blonde- Narcissa, I corrected, must of noticed this to as she rose one perfectly sculpted eyebrow in questioning and with a naturally hidden undertone of poison dripped sarcasm responded with, "Why yes of course, Hermione has told me nothing but shining praises." She finished with a slightly predatory smile and returned her gaze over to me as I gulped loudly. Narcissa got out of her seat snaking an arm around my waist, turning back to Ron who was unknowing of everything like usual did notice the raised eyebrow and impatient ‘are we done yet?’ look she gave him and quickly took the hint and left.

As soon as he was out of sight, I sighed loudly and my shoulders slumped, taking the offered seat Narcissa had pulled out for me. Eventually the elegant beauty broke the silence by commenting, “Well he’s an ... interesting fellow.” I nodded energetically seeing as I was too busy trying to contain my laughter to talk. “Now, I understand why, Ron was it?” I nodded and she continued, “might be chasing after you, but you never did explain what a lovely woman such as yourself would be doing with the likes of … him.” We both grimaced lightly and began talking about everything: from how I met Ron to random things such as our favorite colors. Eventually the conversation ventured to why we were here and it turned out both of us were here for parties. Narcissa even mentioning that for whatever reason her son always invited her to these things but flounced off before she could ever meet his friends.

“That sounds awfully like my friend Draco, it’s his party I’m at tonight anyway, and not even an hour into the celebration he’s already rushing home eager to find out what Harry got him.” I admonished, rolling my eyes as I remembered seeing them rush off earlier in the evening, to distracted to notice Narcissa’s questioning glance.

“Oh?” she questions, “Draco as in, tall platinum blonde who obsesses over one Mr. Harry Potter on a constant basis?”

“That’s the one, how do you know him?”

“Draco’s my son.”

My eyes widen, the blonde hair, blue eyes, overall elegance and reason for being here fit together in a flash and somewhere in the back of mind I can hear someone laughing lightly. I immediately stand up, apologizing profusely, “Mrs. Malfoy! I am so sorry I intruded on your evening, I-I had no idea!” Narcissa had stopped laughing by now and her eyes softened when they connected with mine, “It’s no problem, your a wonderful person to talk to… really…” She continued talking but I couldn’t hear a word. All I could think about was that I kissed Malfoy’s mother, and how absolutely gorgeous she was.

‘Like mother, like son,’ my subconscious reared.

‘Shut up’ I responded ‘She’s my best friends mother, she probably sees me as some weird child and for god sake she’s a married woman!’

Narcissa obviously noticing my silence sighed, “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I just wanted to be honest. Plus, I was curious you see, Draco rarely tells me anything about his personal life.” she added softer this time, “Surely I would’ve remembered someone as beautiful and caring as yourself.” I stood there shocked and she must’ve taken my silence as a cue to leave. Just as she grabbed her purse and started dejectedly walking away, intending to take her leave I grabbed her hand and spun her around to face me. Her small squeak of surprise silenced by my lips on hers. I didn’t think about how she was married and it would never work out, or what Draco would say if he ever found out, I just kissed her.

As I pulled away from her slightly and leaned my forehead against hers I whispered, “It’s a shame he never mentions you either, he especially never mentioned you were a thief.” Narcissa looked at me, her eyes clouded by confusion, “An A lister at that, for you Narcissa Malfoy, have successfully stolen something no one has ever before: my heart, and I’m not sure if I even want it back.” Her eyes sparkled as she slowly brought her hands to cup my face and whispered, “It’s Black.” And then kissed me. Hard.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really proud of this work and hope you enjoyed it, this started as a one-shot when I first wrote it but I might make into a small series or such. As always likes, comments and constructive criticism are appreciated, all mistakes are my own and I hope you have a lovely day/night!


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